1. For the past four years, I have noticed an acceleration of political polarization. In response, I have attempted to maintain a modicum of objectivity in assessing President Trump and his Democrat Party opponents.
2. Alas President Trump’s recent efforts to stir up resentment, division, contention, and ultimately riots disgust me. While rioters should be punished for their own sins, one can’t deny the President’s transgression and contribution to civil unrest.
3. Despite his divisive tone, most non-partisans would generally agree that there have been some substantial American successes over the past four years.  Yet the President’s response to the election may define and caricature his legacy.
4. President Trump’s response to the election is un-American and inconsistent with our moral foundations.
5. Violence weakens. The United States of America has been substantially weakened in 2020. Ironically, the President is not solely culpable; his political adversaries have also contributed. The past four years characterize incessant polarizing rhetoric. While his contributions to the Capitol riots are to be condemned, it doesn’t take much effort to find mirrors in his political opponents stirring up narratives of hopelessness and powerlessness. Just as President Trump failed to immediately denounce his extremist supporters, his opponents similarly failed to unequivocally condemn the riots, violence, and chaos of 2020. His adversaries don’t bear the mantle of responsibility of the President, but all bear responsibility for their own conduct.
6. As we celebrate the birth and reflect upon the life of the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. we see a contrasting example of selfless, principled leadership. He was mortal and imperfect, but he was also honorable. He offered hope in his admirable, visionary dream of racial equality. He didn’t complain that “the system” is irreparably rigged, inherently flawed, or needed to be overthrown; he promoted specific changes through non-violent means that moved America toward deliverance from scars and stains of past sins. He was decidedly pluralistic and warned in his last book Where Do We Go From Here? about the perils of separatism and the use of the terms that promote power within groups. He appealed to moral foundations of care, fairness, liberty, authority, loyalty, and sanctity. I tend to believe he would likely have concerns about both major political parties focus on remaining in power (R.I.P.), recognizing power-preservation is paradoxically paralyzing in a pluralistic society. While his economic views clearly leaned left toward democratic socialism, I wonder what he would think about the left’s unwillingness to condemn, and in some cases condone, violence. What would he think of the prioritization of secularism over faith? Both major political parties’ inability to stand on principle, unite, and self-correct are anathema to his vision and dream. Would he have proposed an alternative? A party of redemption?
7. All mortal entities require redemption, for there are no perfect institutions nor humans. Mortals require flexibility and self-correction to survive. Indeed flexibility is the key to our mental, social, and political health. Redemption requires reflection, learning from experience, and self-correction. I need that; my family needs that; my community needs that; my nation needs that. Redemption is change. The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. embodied constructive change! Can America change? Can politics change? Can America redeem itself? Can we learn from principles of constructive disagreement to find better solutions?
8. As we approach a transfer of presidential administrations, might we also be agents of change and redemption in our own lives, families, community and nation? Can we practice constructive disagreement by practicing the following charge to change?
   • Common ground – Appeal to our common humanity, seeing the dignity of every person.
   • Humility – Demonstrate humble confidence in acknowledging the weak and fallen state of men, women, and communities in need of redemption, repentance, and forgiveness.
   • Appreciation – Express gratitude for differences, humble awareness of our country’s blessings, and understanding where we can go in the future.  
   • RedemptioN – Humbly invite yourself and others to move from a fallen and self-centered state toward something better for all (spiritual, temporal, political, etc.). Repent, forgive, redeem.
   • Generosity – Give the benefit of the doubt to people different than yourself, believing that non-violence will appeal to our common humanity more than violence.
   • Empathy – Recognize and understand the impact of decisions, behavior, and events on others.
9. The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. helped unite America by elevating those who were oppressed and marginalized without destroying or harming others. He once wrote that “integration is not an obstacle, but is an opportunity to participate in the beauty of diversity.” I hope we can remember and build upon his legacy.

#RedeemUSA #MLKChargetoChange #ConstructiveDisagreement

Self-reliance is more than money. It also includes health, social, emotional, and spiritual wealth. It is not just about accumulation, “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:26) It’s about both giving and receiving. Self-reliant wealth is about maintaining balance – financial-psycho-social-biological-emotional-spiritual balance. Such has been the case since the creation of the earth when God himself rested on the seventh day. The Book of Isaiah contains a promise to those who turn away from finding their own pleasure, doing their own ways on the Sabbath. Specifically, “I will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth.” (Isaiah 58:14) The Sabbath helps maintain balance and focus on the things the matter most: things money can’t buy.
https://www.lds.org/…/vi…/2015-08-001-everyday-distractions…

Christmas time!  Wonderful time!

See how many of these sentences you can complete and then watch the video to see how you did?

And the glory of the Lord shall be….

Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear …. ….

And call his name…. (which means) …. …. ….

For unto us…. ….. …. ….

Unto us …. …. …. ….

And his name shall be called……

Counselor, the mighty…., the prince of ….

There were shepherds abiding … …. ….

Keeping …. over their …. by night

And lo, the …. of the  …. came upon them

Fear not, for I bring you …. …. …. …. ….

For unto you is born this day in the City of ….

A …. which is …. …. ….

How did you do?   Feel free to comment with how many you got right out of 13.  Don’t worry if you weren’t perfect.  That’s why we have a Savior!  He was born to help us repent, learn, and progress.  Aren’t you glad we celebrate his birth?

A Savior!  Something money can’t buy.

Merry Christmas!

The presentation at the following link was presented on August 29, 2015 at the Mesa Skyline Stake Women’s Conference.  Sharing Goodness – The Window to the Soul – 2015 08 v2

Comments welcome and appreciated!

Do you have sufficient faith to fail? Do you have sufficient faith to let others fail too? The ultimate personal failure is failure to act.  The ultimate personal failure is to act upon others in a manner that compromises their own ability to act and learn for themselves.

We learn in sacred places that a central purpose of mortal existence is to learn from experience. Yet a primary experience thief is our own fear of failure. Such fear paralyzes our willingness or ability to take risks necessary to learn and grow. Fear of failure impairs our ability to seek new and novel experience. At its most basic element, failure is an opportunity to learn from experience. While we all prefer success, some of our most important lessons learned are from mistakes or failures. Are you grateful for your failures? Can you “fail forward” or “fail successfully?”

Are you aware of people who have failed successfully or leveraged their failure to make improvements in their lives? Take a look at this video of successful people who learned from their failure:
Some actions intended to prevent failure often backfire and invite it. The most obvious example is failing to try and thus requiring external influence to bring about action. Such is the state of dependence, where one must be acted upon in order to change. When I first started my career, I was asked to take an assignment that would have been a real stretch for my family. For a variety of reasons, I resisted. My boss’s boss interviewed me and encouraged me to take the position. I was told that it would benefit me as well as our organization. I was skeptical. After a few days of pondering and praying with my wife, we felt that it might be wise to express interest in the position. By then, the position had been awarded to a colleague. I missed my opportunity. I failed. Yet that failure was an important lesson in learning to be ready when opportunity knocks. Especially unanticipated (and even unwanted) opportunities.

Another not so obvious example of behavior that undermines learning and success is taking action independent of another person’s will or interests. Acting upon another person without their cooperation or consent might get short term results, but rarely does it bring about sustained change or development in the other person. In fact, independent coercion most often invites resistance, no matter how noble the intention or cause. The most obvious and common example of this is in parenting. When I hover over my sons like a “helicopter parent,” assuming responsibility for their success or failure, I ultimately impoverish them of their own opportunities to learn and develop. My fear of their failure thwarts their own learning. Acting upon them independently may get the job done in the short run, but it ultimately may hinder my ultimate goal of fostering self-reliant sons. There is a big difference between “getting a job done” and getting the job done in parenting. Teaching principles and having a shared vision of what we are trying to accomplish has proven much more effective in helping them grow up and mature.

An over-concern with looking like a parental failure when children or others fail promotes over-involvement and enmeshment. In fact, taking action independent of another person’s personal growth often fosters dependency in them. This cycle of one person acting upon another and the other waiting to be acted upon is the definition of “co-dependency.”

So what is the answer to failing successfully? Take action. Just keep trying. Don’t wait to be acted upon. Don’t act upon others. Just do something. Consider the impact of your behavior on others, in other words have empathy. Consider what you want most rather than what you want in the moment. Then act in alignment with your most important long-term goals. This interdependent, action oriented approach promotes your success, as well as the success of others.

Interdependence, mutual growth, development, and learning from experience (even painful failures) are indeed things money can’t buy.

A few months ago I was released as a bishop in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (or Mormons as many know us).  That does not mean I was voted out or that I was fired.  It just means that my appointed tenure came to an end and it is now someone else’s opportunity to serve.  Our fifth Article of Faith states, “We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.” We believe we are called to our ministry by inspiration and also released from our callings by inspiration.  Those calls to serve and releases from service come from an authority over several congregations (or wards we Mormons refer to them) called a stake president.  A stake is a group of several wards.

In all honesty, being released as a bishop is a bittersweet experience.  The bitter is that I am no longer in the middle of so many things that go on in my ward (the Mormon term for congregation).  I miss the personal association experienced with so many wonderful people in the Noble and Ellsworth Wards where I served for the past five and a half years.  The sweet is that I now have some extra time to spend time with family and work on my house and car that are now falling apart.  I will no longer spend my free time on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, some Thursdays and Saturdays, and all day Sundays doing bishop work (Mondays are considered sacred family nights and Friday nights are typically date nights with your spouse).

There are many, many things I learned as a bishop, including the reality that a bishop never goes on vacation or takes a break.  Wherever I went or whatever I did, I thought of people in my ward.  I often ran into people that I needed to see when I went shopping, to the movies, or out to eat with my family.  It was truly miraculous to see God’s hand in my life in so many ways and in so many places.  I learned to believe that these were not “chance meetings.”  I even began to worry that one family that I rarely saw in Church would think I was stalking them when I saw them four times in other non-Church settings.  As a bishop I often dreamt of my duties, responsibilities, and ward members.  I rarely slept in on weekends because I always had things to do and people to serve.

About a month after being released as bishop was Thanksgiving, and true to form, I could not sleep in.  I lay in bed reflecting on the many blessings I had received over the past year.  So many of those blessings came via my service as a bishop that my thoughts turned to the blessings I had received over the previous five and a half years.  Later in the day, a distant family member asked me at Thanksgiving dinner what is one thing Church members could do to support their bishop.  I will share something in the following and hope that those with whom I was privileged to serve might recognize themselves among my greatest blessings, as well as how they supported and sustained me during my tenure.  Those are things money can’t buy.  Do you find yourself feeling grateful for any of the same things?  Do you recognize yourself in this bishop’s gratitude list?  (I hope you know who you are as you review the list.  J)  Please review it and add to the list with things you are grateful for within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints!

I am thankful for:

Doctrines and Principles

• God’s plan for all of His children and the blessing of being a son of God
• A Savior, even Jesus Christ
• Redemption from sin and death
• Grace to be redeemed and to enable good works beyond what one could do if left to their own means
• The Holy Ghost who teaches, inspires, warns, comforts, guides, uplifts, motivates, restrains, administers spiritual gifts, purges of sin, and brings all things to remembrance
• Prophets and apostles
• The restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ in these latter-days through the prophet Joseph Smith
• Personal inspiration and revelation
• Inspiration and revelation through other Church leaders
• “The Living Christ” – a personal witness of Jesus Christ authored by 15 prophets and apostles
• Scriptures including the Old Testament, New Testament, the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price
• The Church Welfare Plan and the doctrine of self-reliance
• The Spirit of Elijah – turning the hearts of the children to the fathers and the fathers to the children (Malachi 4:5-6)
• The Sacrament – an opportunity to renew covenants made with God to serve Him, obey His commandments, stand as His witness, and serve our fellow men
• Temple ordinances and covenants

People

• People who repent and strive to do better, even when they fall short of the high standards taught in the Gospel of Jesus Christ
• Family members who want to forgive, even when they are hurting from personal betrayals and losses
• Church members who return to more regular worship and activity
• Church members who reach out to, minister, and shepherd those who have distanced themselves from Church activity
• People willing to ask candid questions of faith in search of deeper understanding and testimony
• People willing to acknowledge what they don’t know, but continue in faith based on what they do know
• People willing to request help and seek counsel from Church leaders
• People willing to accept calls to serve that take them out of their comfort zone and stretch their existing capacities
• People who act in faith and find that God can do more with their life than they can if left to their own means
• People who support extended family when necessary
• Struggling yet striving people who join in worship
• Imperfect people willing to acknowledge their imperfection and need for the Savior
• The temporal poor who, like the poor widow (Luke 21:1-4), pay their tithes and offerings
• The poor in spirit who likewise follow the Savior and the counsel of His appointed servants
• Those willing to provide spontaneous acts of service when called upon
• Church families with children who have special needs
• Church members willing to minister patiently and lovingly to those with special needs
• Church members willing to recognize that we all have special needs
• Church members willing to accept callings and assignments that are anything but convenient
• Church members who commit to their covenants, including marriage, when others dispose of anything that is inconvenient
• Church members who sustain and support their family members in their callings and assignments, even when such assignments take their family member away from them temporarily (sometimes for a few hours, but up to a few days on special occasions)
• Humanitarian service projects and opportunities to serve others in the community
• People who refuse to take offense, even when it would be easy to choose otherwise
• People willing to help others prepare for ordinances
• People who contribute to planning, executing, and cleanup of Church socials, open houses, and other functions
• People who attend and invite others to attend Church functions
• People who make covenants in the face of great adversity and continue to keep those covenants despite that adversity
• People who endure less than optimal family of origin experiences and strive to forgive (without putting themselves at risk for abuse of course)
• People who are less than they could be as parents or children, but offer repentance to those affected by their mortal weakness
• People who continue and act in faith when most everything else in their world suggests that they quit
• People who endure chronic illness or pain with faith, hope, and charity
• People who take a chance on their spouse and continue to invest after marriage
• People who come back and keep coming back
• People who tell the whole truth, even when it would be easy or convenient to do otherwise
• People who are willing to surrender the past of important others in their lives, while looking forward in faith and hope to a glorious present and future
• Parents who support their children in Church activity, service, and leadership
• Children who support their parents in their callings, assignments, and service
• Families who appropriately involve other family members in their service to others
• Church members and leaders who keep confidences
• People who try and fail, but keep trying to live a gospel focused life
• People who forgive their bishop (and other leaders) for his weakness and imperfection and continue to support and sustain him anyway
• Spouses who are willing to support their families in spiritual practice and Church activity, even when they don’t feel so sure of their own faith
• Spouses of other faiths who support their spouse in Church activity
• Church members willing to follow inspired yet difficult counsel to make significant changes in their behavior
• Church members who follow counsel and return and report on the miracles discovered in their life
• Church members who share
• New converts to the Church
• New Church members who strive to learn more
• Old Church members who experience a reconversion or a renaissance of faith
• Single Church members who persist, thrive, and contribute in a family oriented Church
• Church members who have spontaneous social gatherings and extend open invitations to others
• Blended families who support loving, supportive relationships with all family members and step-members
• Seekers of truth
• Winter visitors
• People who remember to say thanks
• Church members and friends of other faiths who give and make Christmas merry for others
• Church members and friends of other faiths willing to accept Christmas gifts, making Christmas merry for givers
• Families who support their elderly parents and grandparents
• Student families who still find time to serve
• Parents who teach children when ready to learn
• Children who teach parents when ready to learn
• Musically talented people willing to share
• Musically untalented people willing to learn
• People talented in many respects who are willing to share
• People who honestly and courageously embrace their vulnerability with faith
• People who respond to an invitation to take a step toward the Savior
• People who respond to a call for help in the moment it is needed
• People who honor the office of bishop, without necessarily focusing on the man
• The faithful elderly who set an example to the other generations
• People who accept calls to serve and then seek out the member of the bishopric to set them apart (to set apart is to pronounce a blessing upon them giving authority to act in their assigned callings
• Families who serve each other as well as others in our ward Parents and grandparents who teach their children the gospel of Jesus Christ and reverence for God
• Children who teach their parents and grandparents the gospel of Jesus Christ and reverence for God

Church Organization

• The Aaronic and Melchizedek Priesthoods (the authority given to men to act in God’s name)
• Priesthood keys that provide order, clarity, unity, and direction – authority to direct the work of salvation within a specific geographic area and within a specific priesthood quorum
• Quorums (groups of men) consisting of young men who serve and adult men who covenant to magnify their opportunities to serve and bless others
• Home teachers who “watch over the Church always, be with, and strengthen them” – Each male over 12 years old ordained to a priesthood quorum or office ministers to specific individuals and families; every individual and family in the Church typically has a home teacher assigned to them
• Individuals and families who receive home teachers into their homes and participate in discussion
• Sacred, saving, and exalting ordinances and covenants including baptism and others performed in temples
• The Relief Society (the women’s organization – possibly the largest in the world – dedicated to helping women and families achieve their potential)
• Ward Relief Society Presidents that ministered diligently and consistently to women and families in need
• Faithful and Loving Visiting Teachers – every adult woman willing to serve other women
• Missionaries who leave home for 18 months to 2 years and pay their own expenses to preach the message of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and serve others
• Ward missionaries who assist the full-time missionaries
• Ward mission leaders who help organize missionary work in the ward
• Member missionaries who share the gospel with friends and invite others to hear the message of the restoration
• Members who provide meals to full-time missionaries
• Families and friends who support their missionaries General Conference messages from inspired leaders
• Stake Conference messages from inspired leaders
• The Primary – the children’s auxiliary organization staffed by volunteer fine humans who teach and serve children
• Activity Days to help young girls ages 8-11 socialize and develop confidence, staffed by volunteer leaders
• Cub Scouts and volunteer leaders who help young boys develop confidence through activity based learning
• The Nursery – a class for children ages 18 months to 3 years old staff by volunteer fine humans
• Primary leaders, and teachers who help children participate in sharing inspiring messages in word and song in the annual Primary Sacrament Meeting Program
• Primary songs and music sung by children
• Church members who are willing to share their authentic and personal experiences by speaking publicly in Sacrament Meeting (the main worship service held every Sunday in each congregation)
• Monthly fast and testimony meetings where members spontaneously share their personal experiences and witness of gospel truths
• Fast offerings – members fast typically on the first Sunday of each month for two meals and make a cash offering to help the poor and needy equal to at least the value of money saved from the foregone meals (Isaiah 58:6-7)
• Tithing – Church members pay 10% of their annual increase to the Church (Malachi 3:8-10)
• Tithing Settlement where all Church members attend a personal interview, review their annual contributions for accuracy and declare their offering to the bishop
• Windows of heaven testimonies – witnesses of blessings poured out upon faithful tithe payers as promised in Malachi 3:8-10
• Youth who strive to follow Christ when so many of their peers do otherwise
• Youth leaders who sacrifice at least one night a week and often weekends in service of youth and families
• Youth leaders who sacrifice vacation leave to attend camps and other youth activities
• Young men who fulfill their Duty to God
• Young women who strive to complete their Personal Progress
• The Boy Scouts of America, Round Table training and Wood Badge leadership training
• Bishopric Youth Discussions – candid and personal group discussions typically held in the bishop’s home with youth and their leaders; discussion topics are typically selected by the youth
• Bishopric Youth Committee Meetings – youth leadership meetings wherein youth class and quorum leaders plan activities and provide status reports on their stewardships
• Stake Presidency members who direct, support, and organize Church activities
• Stake leaders who train and support the ward organization
• Seminary – daily religious instruction for youth in grades 9-12
• Institute – religious instruction for college and university students and other young adults
• Sunday school, presidency, and teachers – Sunday classes dedicated to a thorough study and discussion of scripture
• Bishopric counselors – these are the bishop’s trusted, special assistants who help administer all the work of salvation in the ward
• Executive secretaries – committed, dedicated, and trustworthy volunteer men who schedule appointments and organize the work of salvation, ensuring that interviews occur as needed
• Ward clerks and assistant clerks – committed, dedicated, and trustworthy volunteer men who ensure that records, finances, and materials are recorded, organized, ordered, and accounted for; they ensure that ordinances are properly recorded and unit statistics are accurately kept
• Bishopric meetings – weekly revelatory experiences attended by the bishop, his counselors, ward clerk, and executive secretary
• Ward council – a bi-weekly revelatory experience involving the bishopric, Melchizedek Priesthood leaders (High Priest Group Leader and Elder’s Quorum President) ward mission leader, and presidents of all the ward auxiliaries (Relief Society, Young Women, Young Men, Primary, and Sunday School) wherein ward activities and the work of salvation is discussed and plan for
• Ward histories and our ward historian
• Ward library – a media center with Church produced and approved materials available to assist Church members with gospel instruction and learning; staffed by volunteer librarians

The Temporal Church – Buildings and Resources

• The Bishop’s Storehouse – a place where bishops can authorize food and commodities to be distributed to members in need, and members in need can provide meaningful service
• Deseret Industries – a thrift store that provides members with opportunities to work and learn marketable skills
• LDS Employment Resources, ward and stake employment specialists
• LDS Family Services – the Church’s social service agency that provides counseling services for Church members and consultation services for Church leaders
• The Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) and Pornography Addiction Support Groups (PASG) – 12 Step recovery programs for people and family members affected by addiction
• Strengthening Marriage and Strengthening the Family Programs – special classes that help spouses and parents develop important relationships skills
• “A Parent’s Guide” – a great manual the Church produces to help parents teach children about their bodies and an appropriate context for intimacy
• “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” – a prophetic message on the role of the family
• BYU-Idaho Pathways – an affordable and inspired pathway to an online college degree for Church members
• Church buildings – meeting houses where members and friends of other faith congregate and worship each week
• Families who voluntarily clean the Church each week
• Building care and security specialists who volunteer to ensure the Church is properly secured each evening
• Facilities managers who ensure Church buildings are safe, well-maintained, and updated
• Physical facilities representatives who volunteer to ensure the buildings are well cared for by members
• Young men who set up chairs for Sunday worship and tidy up the Church at the end of worship services
• Temples – sacred places of worship where saving ordinances are performed for oneself and others in association with sacred covenants
• People who serve in the temple – staff, ordinance workers and volunteers who maintain the temple
• Family History Specialists who voluntarily help members (including the bishop) learn how to do family history work
• “A Member’s Guide to Family History” – a great Church manual to help get people started in family history work
• “My Family” – a new and simply resource created to help individuals begin their family history
• org, Puzzilla.org, and Ancestry.com – great online resources to find family history and prepare ancestors for temple ordinances

Inspiration

• Miracles in finding ancestors and relatives to take to temples for vicarious ordinances
• Confessions of truth in all their forms
• Speaking up in a class or discussion, especially when it is difficult to share
• Having an appointment with someone (person A), who someone else (person B) needs to see, right when they (person A) need to see them (person B) and going to see the person in need (person B) together
• Spiritual confirmations that subsequently come to light and are confirmed as true
• Spiritual confirmations acted on in faith which may take years (or longer) to be confirmed as true
• Answers to prayers in behalf of people thousands of miles away
• Receiving calls or answers to calls in the very moment the calls were needed
• Finding people at home during ministering visits and other important times

Gratitude may be defined as the recognition of one’s wealth.  Is one truly wealthy if one fails to recognize all that she or he has been given?  Blessings are wealth and I count myself among the most wealthy people on earth.  The blessings mentioned above are among the infinite things money can’t buy.

What else are you grateful for about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

“And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.”  (Luke 2:13-14)  Is peace really possible?

People are what you think they are.  If you choose to believe a family member or an acquaintance is a self-centered jerk, you will find yourself related to or associating with a self-centered jerk.  If you choose to believe they are an angel, you will find yourself relating to one of the heavenly host.  If you define an adversary as fundamentally flawed, they will remain your adversary.  The first step to peace is to extend good will toward all human kind; to choose to see people as you would like them to be, rather than as you may hold them now in your heart and mind when you experience them in their weak moments.

I find myself often acting contrary to what I know to be correct for what I want most in the moment.  That means I am too short with those who merit more meekness.  It means I sleep longer and then ride ruder to work in the morning.  It means I eat things that are intensely delicious, but not immensely nutritious.  I exercise my appetite more often than my abdominals.  I often act more like a loaf than the Bread of Life (John 6:35).  Yet I also occasionally “do good,” serve others, exercise patience, eat right, get up before my alarm goes off, and drive courteously.

Am I a jerk who occasionally defies my nasty nature, or someone who occasionally deserts my divine disposition and destiny?  We get to decide how we define ourselves and others, but we must choose wisely.  The choice to characterize our companions and the world will also form the foundation for our people-perspective and world-view.  Such a choice forms the footings for peace… or its alternative.

100 years ago from last evening marks the 100 year anniversary of the famous World War I Christmas truce on Flanders Fields in Belgium.  For a brief moment, bitter enemies chose to see each other differently.

(Click here to see a brief Mormon Newsroom story about the video above.)  The result was peace.  The result IS peace.  We find peace as we repent of our weak moments and reconcile our most valuable relationships.

The most valuable gift given to another is our repentance and reconciliation.  Such is more often a process rather than a singular event.  It requires diligent dialogue, persistent patience, and regular restraint.  Consider the following elements of such a process:

• Remember our eternal essence: We are children of God.  Resist the temptation to define people by our weaker mortal moments.
• Choose to see ourselves and others as we may become or as children of God.
• Own the fact that we currently see someone in less than positive and peaceful terms. Apologize for doing so.
• Express a desire to see ourselves and others in different terms. Give others an opportunity to know and respond to those positive terms.  Those terms are negotiated, not dictated.  Such is the nature of reconciliation.
• Develop positive and unifying alliances rather than divisive, adversarial support for our original conflictual position. Instead of gossiping about others, ask helpful people to help you see others and yourself as you would like to see.

Good will toward men (and women), including ourselves, promotes peace on earth.  Peace glorifies God, for we are His children.  Such good will, peace, and glory are things money can’t buy.

Mother’s Day

I have heard many women comment that Mother’s Day talks are difficult to hear.  Why might that be? Perhaps Mother’s Day talks remind you of the mother you didn’t have. Perhaps they remind you of how you are not quite the same as your own wonderful mother. Perhaps they remind you of a long and longing struggle to become a mother. Maybe you realize that many are saying thanks except the one from whom you want to hear it most.

Mother’s Day talks often focus on ideals of motherhood. Sometimes those ideals are very difficult to achieve. They are much like many of the ideals in the gospel of Jesus Christ that we are all striving to perfect. Yet we all fall short. There is no such thing as a perfect mother.  Sometimes we feel we “should” do better or be better.  It is easy to get discouraged by our mortal failures to live up to the ideals of motherhood and obedience to gospel living.  Rather than “shoulding” all over ourselves, might we transform the “shoulds” to “cans.”  That is, rather than saying, “I should…,” might we think, “I can…” instead?

My Mom and Repentance

I believe my own mother was an angel, however imperfect. Twelve years ago from today I spoke at her funeral and highlighted many of her wonderful characteristics. One of her strengths was honesty.  I think she would acknowledge that in addition to her many strengths and ideals, she also experienced mortal moodiness, feistiness, and impatience.  She sometimes compromised her family’s wants (including this sometimes selfish son’s) as she took care of others.  Although beautiful in so many ways to those who knew her, she was not the epitome of a beauty queen:  she was short, a little chubby, and had facial blemishes too.

Because of her imperfections, the greatest gift my mom gave me was her repentance. She kept trying no matter what came her way or how many times she fell. When she experienced disappointments in me or my brothers, she encouraged us and figured out how to love us anyway. When she experienced adversities, she faced them with optimism and hope.  Even if not perfect at every moment, she perfected herself through repentance.

Ruth

Recently when I read the Biblical story of Ruth and Naomi I recognized the story of imperfect, yet saintly womanhood.  Naomi and her husband lived in Bethlehem. Due to a famine they had to relocate for a time and dwelt among the Moabites. Her sons married Moabite women. Sometime thereafter her husband and her sons perished leaving her a widow with no one other children. For whatever reason Naomi perceived herself to be of little worth without a husband or sons. (Do we sometimes perceive our worth, value, or success in terms of relationships with others?)  Believing that she had little to offer her daughters-in-law, she encouraged them to return to their parents in their homeland. One of her daughters-in-law, Orpah, took her up on the offer and left Naomi for her parents.

By contrast, Ruth saw Naomi differently.  She could see her eternal worth through the spiritual eyes she acquired by making and keeping covenants.  She knew from her experience of living both within and without a covenant, the considerable value and blessing of relationships created through those covenants.  She rejected Naomi’s invitation to leave her and return to her family or origin, “Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:  Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.”  (Ruth 1:16-17)  Ruth was a loyal, committed covenant keeper, even if it meant sacrificing temporal wealth or well-being.  She recognized her worth beyond her relationship status.  She risked being a lonely widow the rest of her days in her loyalty to her mother-in-law and in her desire to live among covenant keepers.

Ruth returned with Naomi to Bethlehem and served as a gleaner in Naomi’s kinsman’s fields.  This kinsman, Boaz, was impressed with Ruth’s work ethic, diligence, and dedication.  Naomi’s importance manifested itself in Ruth’s life as she mentored her.  She surrendered any potential jealousy and selflessly helped Ruth approach Boaz and find grace in his eyes.  Ruth ultimately married Boaz.  They bore a son named Obed.  It was Naomi’s privilege to nurture Obed.  He was the grandfather of King David, and an ancestor of the Savior.

There were plenty of opportunities for Ruth and Naomi to perceive themselves as failures. Their posterity at times went astray at times and did not always keep God’s commandments.  But some in Ruth and Naomi’s lineage returned to their covenants, and they were ultimately ancestors of the Savior. Like Naomi and Ruth, if we continue faithful and honor our covenants, the Savior will present in our life and redeem all of us. We can find hope in achieving the ideals that can sometimes feel daunting and overwhelming.

None of us is perfect in living up to our ideals, even on Mother’s Day. I belong to a Church that believes that perfection will not be achieved in this life, even by the prophets and their families.  Just as we all needed a mother to enter mortal life, we all need a Savior to enter into eternal life.  Sometimes I wonder if I am so addicted to certainty and perfection that I fail to exercise faith in my own mother’s example, or in the potential for redemption through the atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that through Him all things will be made perfect. None of us is the perfect mother or father. None of us gets to enjoy the ideal family situation or personal situation. We all must endure, and we all must strive to overcome the challenges of mortality.

What is so great about Ruth?  She strove, she loved, and she covenanted.  Through her spiritual eyes and eternal perspective, she appreciated the relationships created through those covenants.  She surrendered the ease of expediency for the commitment of covenant.  She loved her mother in law, Naomi.  She humbly served and accepted her mother in law’s counsel.  Her eternal, covenant keeping brought her hope, loyalty, love and posterity.  Those are things money can’t buy.