(Preface:  All persons referenced in the following examples have given their permission to share their stories.)

I currently serve as a Bishop in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  A few years ago, a wonderful family approached me for an interview.  They had been experiencing a great deal of adversity and properly sought assistance from their bishop.  We had a discussion about the principles of Church Welfare and emphasized the importance of self-reliance.  When I did so, I noticed an obvious change in the father’s countenance.  He simply said, “I get it.  I need to be self-reliant.”  The interview soon ended, and they politely excused themselves.  I could sense some discomfort and awkwardness.

I pondered and prayed about that interview for quite some time after that.  I couldn’t quite identify what the problem was in that interview.  We had discussed true principles that I had seen bless others, so what happened in this particular interview?  Something was wrong, and I couldn’t quite get my mind around it.  I wanted to help that family, both immediately as well as eternally.

Later while watching a session of the Church’s General Conference, I realized that when I discussed “self-reliance,” this good father heard, “Do it yourself.  You are on your own.”  I realized that for many, self-reliance is understood to mean just that: rely on yourself.  Self-reliance then seems to be a contradiction in terms.  After all, as King Benjamin (a well-known, beloved, and righteous king in the Book of Mormon) stated, “Are we not all beggars?  Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?” (Mosiah 4:19)  During the two hour break between conference sessions, I immediately went to this family’s home and made sure they were aware that I was not saying, “do it yourself,” but that I wanted to help them in the Lord’s way.  We discussed the clumsy wording of “self-reliance” and what it might really mean.  We then discussed how to help address the family’s immediate and longer term needs.

That experience was a grueling couple of weeks as I sought to better understand self-reliance and helping others.  Yet it was a refiner’s fire that purified my understanding of self-reliance and Latter-day Saint wealth, things money can’t buy.  Thereafter I tried to figure out how to better and more accurately understand and communicate self-reliance.

I started by pondering what self-reliance is not:  the obvious answer is dependence.  I then pondered what others may misunderstand when I spoke of self-reliance.  They heard “independence:” Do it yourself.  Does it seem consistent with God’s plan for His children to be completely independent of Him and their fellow women and men?  It was then that I realized that while obvious that self-reliance is not dependence, it is also not independence.

I pondered on how spiritual, social, physical, intellectual, temporal and other sources of poverty often result from neglect or over-extending ourselves in some aspect of our lives.  Self-reliance is really about a healthy balance of all the dimensions of our life, not just money.  I also noticed that struggles with self-reliance often result from “pendulating,” going back and forth, between prideful independence (from God and others) and woeful dependence.  This is obvious in addictions when people want to do their own thing, only to find themselves relapsing to their state of dependency, “ever learning and never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.” (2 Timothy 3:7)

It was subsequently my privilege to discuss these lessons with colleagues and associates with whom I sat in leadership councils.  Later I had the privilege to teach these lessons learned, and one of those lessons was to the adults in my congregation.  About 18 months after sharing the lesson, I wondered if anyone remembered this lesson and our discussion on self-reliance.  I asked some of the participants to let me know if they remembered it and if so, what difference (if any) it made in their life.  Here are some of their inspiring responses:

1)      From a family whose son was diagnosed with leukemia shortly after the lesson:  “Of course we remember it!  It changed our life and perspective in every way.  We are able to endure and survive so much more effectively because of our knowledge and understanding of self-reliance.  Whenever I make a major decision, I stop and ponder how it will affect my family and everything else in my life; if it is really worth the price I am going to pay, not just the financial price.”

2)      From a young mother:  “I actually remember that discussion so it left an impression on me. I feel like it helped me to draw closer to my ward family (too bad that was right before we moved), and be looking for ways to help others as well as a greater willingness to ask for help when needed.”

3)      From a capable father of a young family of five children living in a three bedroom condominium:  “My wife and I are working very hard on self-reliance with money. We aren’t necessarily trying to get more of it though. We first had to decide what were GOOD goals. We want to pay for and own our home and have zero debts. But we are also trying to establish what are reasonable wants and needs. Do we need a huge home or could we use our money more wisely to serve missions, or give more to charity. Do we NEED all the latest gadgets or would the Lord prefer we put money into a ward member’s mission fund. We are working to try and see ourselves as stewards of the Lords property. We are by no means as generous as we should or want to be, but we are slowly steering our ship in that direction. That’s where we are with self-reliance.”

4)      From a faithful and solid sister who was affected by some boundary realignments in her ward (congregation):  “I read your post and thought I would share. The ward split has not been easy but if I had not been working toward self-reliance I think I would have stopped going to church. I had a bout of depression, and quit exercising and I know that sounds like it’s not that big of a deal, it was huge for me. I have worked hard and my depression has eased, I started exercising again and feel like I can serve the members of my ward better as well as The Lord.”

It is not difficult to see a “type” or model of the redeeming atonement of Jesus Christ in self-reliance.  The atonement indeed parallels principles of self-reliance.  We cannot independently redeem ourselves from sin and death, but need (and were provided with) a Savior.  As we accept Him and covenant to follow Him through our own Christian service, we truly become interdependent with Christ and our fellow men.  This is the ultimate definition of self-reliant wealth:  an abundance of talent and blessings made possible through the grace of Jesus Christ, as well as mutual giving and receiving.  Christ is indeed the model of self-reliant wealth, the things that money can’t buy.

The purpose of this blog is to help you find self-reliant wealth in a Christ-centered way.  You will note that the identified principles are not exclusive to Latter-day Saints as many friends of other faiths also practice and apply truths that bless their lives.  Nonetheless, the truths identified and discussed are found in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, which encompasses all truth.  While directed toward the Latter-day Saint reader, it is written in such a way that you may want to share it with friends of other faiths who may be curious to know the source of your happiness and sense of well-being.

Prayerfully ponder and prepare to understand the BIG Secret to things money can’t buy.  It will be discussed in future posts.

What do you think about this?  Please share your thoughts and share this with others too.