Mother’s Day

I have heard many women comment that Mother’s Day talks are difficult to hear.  Why might that be? Perhaps Mother’s Day talks remind you of the mother you didn’t have. Perhaps they remind you of how you are not quite the same as your own wonderful mother. Perhaps they remind you of a long and longing struggle to become a mother. Maybe you realize that many are saying thanks except the one from whom you want to hear it most.

Mother’s Day talks often focus on ideals of motherhood. Sometimes those ideals are very difficult to achieve. They are much like many of the ideals in the gospel of Jesus Christ that we are all striving to perfect. Yet we all fall short. There is no such thing as a perfect mother.  Sometimes we feel we “should” do better or be better.  It is easy to get discouraged by our mortal failures to live up to the ideals of motherhood and obedience to gospel living.  Rather than “shoulding” all over ourselves, might we transform the “shoulds” to “cans.”  That is, rather than saying, “I should…,” might we think, “I can…” instead?

My Mom and Repentance

I believe my own mother was an angel, however imperfect. Twelve years ago from today I spoke at her funeral and highlighted many of her wonderful characteristics. One of her strengths was honesty.  I think she would acknowledge that in addition to her many strengths and ideals, she also experienced mortal moodiness, feistiness, and impatience.  She sometimes compromised her family’s wants (including this sometimes selfish son’s) as she took care of others.  Although beautiful in so many ways to those who knew her, she was not the epitome of a beauty queen:  she was short, a little chubby, and had facial blemishes too.

Because of her imperfections, the greatest gift my mom gave me was her repentance. She kept trying no matter what came her way or how many times she fell. When she experienced disappointments in me or my brothers, she encouraged us and figured out how to love us anyway. When she experienced adversities, she faced them with optimism and hope.  Even if not perfect at every moment, she perfected herself through repentance.

Ruth

Recently when I read the Biblical story of Ruth and Naomi I recognized the story of imperfect, yet saintly womanhood.  Naomi and her husband lived in Bethlehem. Due to a famine they had to relocate for a time and dwelt among the Moabites. Her sons married Moabite women. Sometime thereafter her husband and her sons perished leaving her a widow with no one other children. For whatever reason Naomi perceived herself to be of little worth without a husband or sons. (Do we sometimes perceive our worth, value, or success in terms of relationships with others?)  Believing that she had little to offer her daughters-in-law, she encouraged them to return to their parents in their homeland. One of her daughters-in-law, Orpah, took her up on the offer and left Naomi for her parents.

By contrast, Ruth saw Naomi differently.  She could see her eternal worth through the spiritual eyes she acquired by making and keeping covenants.  She knew from her experience of living both within and without a covenant, the considerable value and blessing of relationships created through those covenants.  She rejected Naomi’s invitation to leave her and return to her family or origin, “Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:  Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.”  (Ruth 1:16-17)  Ruth was a loyal, committed covenant keeper, even if it meant sacrificing temporal wealth or well-being.  She recognized her worth beyond her relationship status.  She risked being a lonely widow the rest of her days in her loyalty to her mother-in-law and in her desire to live among covenant keepers.

Ruth returned with Naomi to Bethlehem and served as a gleaner in Naomi’s kinsman’s fields.  This kinsman, Boaz, was impressed with Ruth’s work ethic, diligence, and dedication.  Naomi’s importance manifested itself in Ruth’s life as she mentored her.  She surrendered any potential jealousy and selflessly helped Ruth approach Boaz and find grace in his eyes.  Ruth ultimately married Boaz.  They bore a son named Obed.  It was Naomi’s privilege to nurture Obed.  He was the grandfather of King David, and an ancestor of the Savior.

There were plenty of opportunities for Ruth and Naomi to perceive themselves as failures. Their posterity at times went astray at times and did not always keep God’s commandments.  But some in Ruth and Naomi’s lineage returned to their covenants, and they were ultimately ancestors of the Savior. Like Naomi and Ruth, if we continue faithful and honor our covenants, the Savior will present in our life and redeem all of us. We can find hope in achieving the ideals that can sometimes feel daunting and overwhelming.

None of us is perfect in living up to our ideals, even on Mother’s Day. I belong to a Church that believes that perfection will not be achieved in this life, even by the prophets and their families.  Just as we all needed a mother to enter mortal life, we all need a Savior to enter into eternal life.  Sometimes I wonder if I am so addicted to certainty and perfection that I fail to exercise faith in my own mother’s example, or in the potential for redemption through the atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that through Him all things will be made perfect. None of us is the perfect mother or father. None of us gets to enjoy the ideal family situation or personal situation. We all must endure, and we all must strive to overcome the challenges of mortality.

What is so great about Ruth?  She strove, she loved, and she covenanted.  Through her spiritual eyes and eternal perspective, she appreciated the relationships created through those covenants.  She surrendered the ease of expediency for the commitment of covenant.  She loved her mother in law, Naomi.  She humbly served and accepted her mother in law’s counsel.  Her eternal, covenant keeping brought her hope, loyalty, love and posterity.  Those are things money can’t buy.