Money talks. Why is money such an effective communicator?  It says a lot about what you do, your habits, your life mission, and your priorities.  As long as people use the dollar as their monetary frame of reference, they typically will share an understanding about the value of a particular good or service. Shared understanding equals effective communication!  Money does indeed talk… or at least communicate.  But it does not tell the whole story, and it typically only speaks one language – the language of transacting goods and services.

People are more than transactors, however.  There are many other important dimensions to our lives.  We often resent being defined in one dimension, especially when that dimension is temporal wealth.  Such pursuit seems shallow and often hollow.  People are far more profound, deep, and complex than the simple and obvious monetary dimension.

I learned this one night as a sophomore in college.  I was a resident assistant in a men’s dormitory on campus and was “on duty.”  That meant I had to stay in the dorm and be available to other residents.  An acquaintance from church asked to come over with his friend to visit me that night, and I agreed.

When they arrived at my dorm room, two of my friends were visiting me.  One friend, Trevor, was an incredibly gifted young man who had a brain tumor removed in his youth.  He had some obvious disabilities that often masked his giftedness.  He was seated in his wheelchair parked in the doorway.  When the two visitors arrived, they maneuvered around Trevor and began talking to my other friend and me.

The guest whom I had never met previously drew three pyramids that consisted of nine circles each – a row of three, beneath a row of two, beneath one.  He asked me what I saw.  Without knowing why he was there nor the purpose of his visit, I spontaneously replied, “It looks like a pyramid scheme to me.”  He didn’t react and began to ask my other friend and me several questions:  “How would you like an extra $50,000 a year?  How would you like to own a boat, an RV, and travel to as many places as you would like?  How would you like to be independently wealthy?”  I listened to their proposal and learned that they were seeking my participation in a multilevel marketing enterprise.  While fascinated by the opportunities, I realized it was not for me.  It just didn’t fit.

Why not?  I believe one reason is that the conversation was hollow and empty.  The two people making the proposal only spoke in one language:  Money.  I didn’t seek them out; they sought me out.  They didn’t seem to value us as people.  It did not go unnoticed that they said nothing to my friend with disabilities.  Our interaction was void of anything intellectually stimulating, spiritually refining, personally interesting, or anything else.  It was a base conversation focused on one thing: money.  I didn’t have much to do with the proposers from then on.  In fact, I felt to stay away from them.  It felt awkward to have someone whom I perceived as a fellow church attender convert our relationship to that of a client.

I have no problem with multilevel marketers per se.  I had a neighbor who made his living working such an enterprise.  He was very wise and didn’t bring it up with me unless I brought it up with him in the natural context of our friendship.  We were good friends when we were neighbors and remain so today.  I have observed others who, unfortunately, use their social network (friends, family, colleagues, fellow church members, etc.) as a means build their business.  Unwittingly, their social network is converted into a clientele.  The unfortunate result is social bankruptcy.  Money speaks, but it also corrupts relationships.  Money is an artificial social bond and can canker or expel the other natural relationship sustaining elements:  love, compassion, service, sacrifice, commonalities, mission, purpose, shared interest, etc.  When the basis of a relationship is limited to transactions, those relationships rarely endure when transactions terminate unless other naturally occurring relationship qualities are also present.  Introducing the artificial bond of money into a relationship can complicate things.  Other parties in the relationship may begin to wonder if you are really their friend or if transactions and secondary gain are really the basis for your association.  Money can put a relationship out of balance.

In order to avoid such imbalance, I am not suggesting that people avoid doing business with their social network.  Just keep it balanced by considering the following when your social network and personal enterprise cross paths:

1)  Don’t propose business or transactions unless the other party asks you about it.  Declining an offer from friends and family is often awkward and uncomfortable.  It’s normal to talk about things in your life with those who know and care about you.  It’s also understandable to advertise your business on your website, blog, or Facebook page.  Just don’t propose business to your social network.

2)  Make it explicitly clear that the natural relationship is not dependent upon the business relationship.  Genuine relationships don’t involve secondary gain for either party.  Every time you do a transaction remind the others that your relationship is in no way contingent upon your business relationship.  It can’t be repeated enough when doing business.

3)  Treat people first and foremost as people.  Don’t treat them as objects, means to an end (especially money), or a stepping stone to something else.  Doing so creates a sense that they are being used.  Don’t be a user.

4)  Focus on and talk about things other than your personal enterprise with your social network.  Be multilingual – let other dimensions of your life talk.  (A future post will address how to do this.)  If all you talk about is your business, chances are strong that your social network is becoming more clientele than comrades.  Remember:  Business Bankrupts Buddy-ness.

As mentioned in a previous post, there is more to life than a paycheck or money.  An exclusive pursuit of a paycheck can put other things out of balance in our lives.  The need to provide and make a living is such a consistent challenge that it can consume many other dimensions of our lives.  Do your best to balance and give voice to the many different dimensions in your life.  Balance is indeed the B in the BIG Secret.  Each of our needs has it’s own language.  Don’t let money be the only language you speak.  Indeed balance your need to make a living with equally important needs for the things money can’t buy.

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